Is This It???

Lately I've really been thinking about my life, and the fact that the last 8 years of my life I was in a relationship that ended in a friendship. Maybe it's because I see all of my friends and family moving forward, getting married, having babies...After everything is said and done I find myself wondering, "Is this it? Is this what my life is going to be like?" I know I shouldn't feel like I have to ever get married or have kids, just because society says that's "normal" but honestly I like the idea of having someone to grow old with. I'm not crazy about walking the road of life by myself. Maybe I'm too normal, too average, too plain...Or not enough of something. How else do you explain it?

Someone said to me yesterday, "I'm surprised no one has snapped you up, that you're not married." Okay, so the last 8 years I was not "on the market", but honestly, I'm surprised too, I mean I just don't get it. I have a decent job, I love to travel, have a longing for meaningful wild kinky sex, just a little dependent, not a total psycho, laid back, easy going, not all that bad to look at, have big boobies, I have a great sense of humor, and I'm just a lot of fun...So, what's the deal?? What am I doing wrong?

Am I too plain? Am I too average? Am I too heavy? Am I too ugly? Am I too confrontational? Am I too addicted to Reality TV? Am I too high maintenance?

This is not a pity party. I am not depressed or moody or PMS-ing or even putting myself down. I'm thinking and wondering with a perfectly logical mind, "Is this it?" I have made myself into all the things a guy would want in a partner and it seems like I must have broke the mold. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect (far from it) And I don't think I am looking for perfection, I just want some love, some attention, from a self supporting, good-looking, non-addict, non-psycho, who knows how to have fun.