It's That Time Again!

New Year's resolutions are meant to be made and broken, and I'm good at doing both. Every year I make resolutions and every year I break at least one of them Looking back at my resolutions from last year, I didn't follow through on any of them.

This year I am making resolutions that I think I might actually conquer. There is something about the beginning of a new year that causes the optimist in me to giggle with excitement.

2006 was the year for me to let things go, moving on...2007 is the year that I will challenge myself in ways I've never done before.

1. To see myself the way I really am rather than always focusing on the things I want to change.
2. To be open to new ideas, to not be so narrow minded
3. To be completely honest with my thoughts and feelings with the people (tact will always be important)
4. To Save more and spend less!
5. To think of others more often, to not be as shallow as some people think I am!

And of course I will also be making the usual resolutions...

Lose weight
Drink less soda, more water
Ask for a raise

I just know that good things are going to happen this year...and how do I know this? Because I am going to MAKE them happen!

Today...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TROY!!!

First Kiss

Recently I was talking with one of my friends about first kisses...My first kiss is something that I’ll never forget.

I lived in Holly, MI...It was the summer between 6th and 7th grade. We were standing on the corner of Marion Dr. & Winifred Dr, between Tina’s house and my house. Tina and her boyfriend were there, so the pressure was on...they kissed a lot. The street lights came on, it was getting dark, I could hear my dad hollering for me, it was time to get home. I was so nervous and scared…what if I don’t like it, what if I’m really bad at it, what if I throw up??? I kept trying to think of reasons why I shouldn’t do it! All these thoughts going through my head, and Tina standing there saying “Just kiss him already”. I really didn’t want to, but the pressure…If I didn’t kiss him I would be the laughing stock of all of my friends, and I would known as a prude…I had no choice! I hollered back at my dad to let him know I was on my way…took a deep breath, threw my arms around his neck, closed my eyes tight, and puckered up. No big deal right??? Then he did the unthinkable, he stuck his tongue in my mouth. I don’t really remember what technique he used, if any, do boys that age have a technique? I just remember thinking that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, that I wasn’t going to die and I was sure that something so nice couldn’t cause cooties. I skipped the whole way home! Even though our little relationship didn’t last long after that, I have always had crush on him.

I believe that most people remember their firsts…first crush, first kiss, first time to 2nd base, first time…you get the idea. Maybe it was just puppy love, but what was it about that boy that was able to make my heart race and my knees go weak? Having said that, why is it that I’m not able to find a man who is able to make me all giddy, that can make my heart race, my knees weak, give me that same butterflies in the stomach feeling or can make me want to skip anywhere?

My 2006 in Numbers

It's the end of the year so I have taken some time to look back on my year and reflect (and I saw this post on another blog and thought it was cute). So here it is, my year in numbers.

# of relationships: 0 (Kinda, Derek and I broke up in Jan. last year)
# of marriage proposals: 0
# of heartbreaks: 1
# of times "I love you" was said: 0
# of times "I love you" was thought: mmmm…no comment
# of first dates: 3
# of second dates: 1
# of people kissed: a few more than 2
# of people I gave my number: too many to remember
# of $ spent on alcohol: Enough to make me cry
# of times I have had too much to drink: 0…just kidding!! Too embarrassed to say!
# of times being arrested: 0
# of career changes: 0
# of trips to Michigan: 0
# of trips to California: 3
# of trips to Mexico: 1
# of movies gone to: 2 (Pirates 2 and Invincible)
# of books read: 4
# of Cancer Walks: 1
# of times I quit smoking: 0
# of months obsessing about my weight: 12
# of pounds lost: 0
# of pounds gained: 0 (I think I broke even on these two)

Wow, well I guess that's my year. Nothing too extreme, the best thing of the year is that I finally moved out of Derek's...But overall it's kinda been a disappointing year! 2007 Will definitely have to be more exciting!!! I definitely need to increase some of those numbers!! I'll be making more trips to Cali, hopefully a girls weekend in Vegas too, more pounds lost, quit smoking, without a doubt there will be a trip to MI, and hopefully "I love you" will be said too.

ABC's About Me!!

Thanks for Tagging me Jen!!!:
A - Available or single: Single
B - Best friend: Brooke
C - Cake or pie: Pie (Apple)
D - Drink of choice: Diet Coke
E - Essential item you use everyday: Blow Dryer
F - Favorite color: Purple
G - Gummy bears or worms: Yuck...I hate gummies!!
H - Hometown: Holly, MI
I - Indulgence: Chocolate
J - January or February: January
K - Kids & names: Titus & Kenny (my dogs)
L - Life is incomplete without? My family
M - Marriage date: N/A
N - Number of siblings: 3
O- Oranges or apples: Apples
P - Phobias or fears: Spiders & Heights
Q - Fave quote: "Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
R - Reasons to smile: It makes people wonder what you're up too...
S - Season: Fall
T - Tag 3 or 4 people: Mom, Brooke, Tina
U - Unknown fact about me:
V- Vegetable you don't like: Asparagas
W - Worst habit: Smoking
X - Xrays: Right Knee, Head, Chest
Y- Your fave food: Mexican
Z - Zodiac sign: Leo, all the way!

Christmas with the Family!

Your Christmas is Most Like: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Christmas is a big, boisterous event at your place. And no matter what, something hilarious usually happens.

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Kid!

I just saw a commercial for the 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story on TBS. This is without a doubt my all time favorite Christmas movie! I think that the nostalgia and mid-west, small town feeling of this movie is what I like most…The fact that it was filmed in the 80’s just blows my mind since the era of the 50’s is depicted so well. It makes my wonder if that is what Christmas was like for my parents, I am sure that my Grandma bundled my dad up, like poor little Randy when he couldn’t put his arms down. Then again, maybe it’s that I feel that I can relate to getting your tongue stuck to a frozen pole…Yes, I stuck my tongue to a frozen pole when I was about 6 years old. I was at the school play ground with Amy, she was talking to some boy…I wasn’t dared, or double dog dared or triple dog dared. I did it simply because I was thirsty and I couldn’t find any clean snow. Even though our house wasn’t too far away, Amy, in her panicked state, ripped my tongue from the pole, a few layers of skin came off and I ran home crying with blood dripping from my tongue.

If you have never had the pleasure of seeing A Christmas Story, check out this link that shows, it’s a condensed version of the movie. A Christmas Story

And may I also say that not only is this a great movie that will put anyone in the Christmas mood, but it’s also very educational.
- Don’t stick your tongue to a frozen pole, it really does stick…
- BB guns are dangerous, you could actually shoot your eye out!
- If you say the “Mother” of all swear words, you will get your mouth washed out with soap
- Bullies are all bark and no bite
- Pink bunny pj’s are never good!!
- Fra-gi-le is not Italian

Staying Positive

I usually don’t get these “Holiday Blues” until after the holidays. Then again this being single for the holidays is new to me.

As the ever optimist, I’m really trying to be positive in regards to my singledom during the holidays. I thought about the fact that I don’t have to split my time between his family and mine (even though this was really never a negative in the past). Or how about the fact that I can go to all sorts of parties and flirt my tushy off until my hearts content, not to be negative while I’m trying to be positive but I have met all of the men that run in my circle, or my friend’s circles or my family’s circles, and trust me that none of these men are the “man of my dreams” that is playing hard to get! I won’t have to come up with a bunch of thoughtful, loving gifts ideas for him. Another positive is the money that I will not have to spend on my significant other…Oh wait, yet another negative while trying to be positive…I don’t live the boyfriend anymore, I have to pay bills, so it doesn’t matter, I am still flat-ass fucking broke…Oops, did I really just type that???

So much for being positive…I’ll keep trying though!

Happy Holidays

Let me start by saying we are entering my favorite time of the year!! I love the Christmas Season, from Thanksgiving to Christmas...the good feelings, time spent with friends/family, and the feeling in the air that there are good things happening. Have you ever noticed how it seems that people are more giving and forgiving during this time of year? I love all the get togethers (any reason for party), there is hardly anything about this season that I don't like!!!

But I never realized what torture the holidays really are for single people…Even movies have noted the how tormented the “singletons” are during this festive time of year. When did this happen? Has it always been this way and I am just now noticing it because this is the first time since I was 18 that I am single for Christmas??? Of all of my relatives (under 18 not included) I am the most single, even my single cousins have kids. Today during lunch I was talking w/ my friends and mentioned that I hope that Derek is going to his sisters for Christmas Eve so that I can spend the evening with Titus…and I just realized how utterly pathetic that sounds!

Memories...

November 26th was the first time that Troy went out for drinks.

Will it be a Happy Thanksgiving?

This is hard for me to admit, but I am actually dreading going to my sister's today for Thanksgiving dinner. Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday, my family has always been close, and Thanksgiving is the one time when we all get together, without fail. Even though certain family members are loud and things get chaotic, it was also warm, relaxed, and festive without being fussy or stressful. We'd hang out into the evening, talking, joking, Amy and Aunt Shelley planning their shopping strategy for Black Friday and trying to convince me to go shopping with them at 5:00am the next morning.

But in this last year, a lot has changed, the family dynamic has changed. I have come to expect certain behaviors from my family members. My mom has always and will always meddle and give my unsolicited advice, but I know that she does this because she loves me, cares about me and just wants me to be happy. Aunt Shelley has always been very opinionated, it's not even that she gives me advice, she just tells me what to do and how to do it and everyone knows that it's not that she means to be a bitch, that's just how she is, we all accept it and love her for it. My dad, Uncle Greg and Daren are typical men, in front of the TV watching the tradition football game. The kids, Brianna, Cheyanna, Brad & Lindsey, Alicia and Curtis usually run in and out playing, being loud, creating even more havoc, just being typical kids with unlimited amounts of energy. And this year we get the "pleasure" of having Daren's family join us for dinner, I'm not even going to go there! And lastly there is Amy...Anyone who knows Amy knows that she has always had bitchy tendencies, but lately she has grown into something unspeakable...my Grandma Perry, this is not a good thing. She never has anything nice to say, she criticizes everyone. She has become the Mega-bitch! It's almost like she is so unhappy with herself that she feels the need to make everyone else unhappy. Perhaps it's the way that she deals with her own insecurities and makes herself feels better. The tension that I feel when I am around her is unnerving, it takes every ounce of my strength for me not to tell her what I think. However, in the words of my Grandma Adams "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".

I wish I could end on an optimistic note. I hang onto a hope that Thanksgiving will turn into something new and better for my family. I do want to spend it with these people I love and actually enjoy it. I want to think of Thanksgiving as the cool and special holiday I always saw it as.

I'm Not 29...I'm 26!!!!

You Are 26 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Aerosmith & Motley Crue

If you were to ask me my favorite group? Hands down...Aerosmith! I know they’re old, and they were around for more than a decade before I even began to like them. Their music isn’t for everyone, but I am sure that everyone can admit to liking at least one of their songs.

The concert last night was AWESOME! The seats were perfect, we were in the 2nd section which is on just enough of an incline that the tall man in front of me wasn’t blocking my view. Motley Crue (the original members) opened the show. I remember back in the day, when I was like 13, I wanted to be a groupie for Motley Crue; I had such a huge crush on Vince Neil. Vince didn’t sound that great, couldn’t hold the high notes the way he did years ago, their pyrotechnics and the fireworks were amazing.

Then Aerosmith took the stage!! I am sure Derek is deaf from my constant screaming, I’m surprised I even have a voice today, however I do sound a bit like Marge Simpson. Steven Tyler, unlike Vince Neil, hasn’t changed a bit. The man can sing just like he did 20 years ago, he’s going like a hundred years old and has more energy then most of the people I know. He is very commanding on stage, running and jumping all over the place. The music was phenomenal, as I knew it would be. I was a bit saddened that a few of my favorite songs didn’t make the play list, Janie’s Got a Gun, Amazing, Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing, I’m not even going to try to recap the songs they played, they were playing for almost 2 hours. I can tell you that they saved Walk This Way for the encore. There was one bad thing that happened...my camera battery went completely dead! I couldn't believe it, I took one picture of Crue and that's it...

All in all it was a great show!!!

Aerosmith

The Aerosmith Concert is tonight...Woo Hoo!!!

California

California this past weekend was great! Friday we went wine tasting in Temecula. i'm not a big fan of wine, I want to like it, but it's definitely an acquired taste. Saturday we spent the day in San Diego, we ate at the PB Bar & Grill which was awesome because they had the U of M game on every TV and everyone there was wearing Blue & Gold! We walked along the beach, it was a little chilly, and there were actually people in the water. Then we headed downtown to the Gaslamp District, stopped in at Dick's Last Resort for a couple of cocktails. Scott had to go home to pack, he was going out of town early the next morning. We decided to have Scott drop us off at a bar that was closer to home. We picked Texas Loosey's, got something to eat, had a few more drinks, and played the longest game of pool in history, since none of us can play pool, it seemed like the game was never going to end. I think Brooke won, but I'm not sure. After an enormous bar tab at Texas Loosey's we went around the corner to another bar, I'm not sure what it was called, but they had a band and a dance floor, it was great. I'm not sure what time Scott came to get us, I think it was after 1:00am.

Needless to say all 3 of us were pretty hungover yesterday...The drive home was awful. Poor Nikki, I hardly talked at all on the way home, surprising huh? That just tells you how hungover I really was. As soon as I download my pic's I'll post a couple of the pic's we took while we were sober.

Long Weekend...

Woo Hoo, it's Friday. Well, not really but I have tomorrow off in observance of Veterans Day. Nikki and I are leaving for California tonight as soon as we get off. I'm so excited, I have only seen Brooke one time since 4th of July. I'm not sure what the plan is once we get there, but I'm sure that whatever we do it will be great. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures!!!

On top of being way excited about going to California this weekend, Derek surpised me last night with Aerosmith tickets...OMG!!! I'm sure you can imagine but I really didn't sleep well last night. It's like that Disney Land commercial where the little boy says, "We're too excited to sleep"!!!

Dreams

Once again I find myself in a frustrating situation...And it's beginning to effect me on every level (Don't worry mom, we already discussed this). Over the last few nights I have been dreaming again about tornadoes...

A Tornado is a violent storm in nature, and it may represent violent emotional storms in your dreams. Tornado dreams could represent the emotional changes in your life and also the amount of anger and rage that you may be currently experiencing. Tornadoes could also represent disruptions and upsets in you immediate environment and specific or current issues that may be overwhelming.

What to do?

I am What I am

Once again I am sitting here thinking about what I have done wrong in my latest dating debauchery and I have just realized that whenever I date someone I have a tendency to feel self self-conscious about my actions and I become afraid that no matter what happens, I will always be the "bad" one in the relationship, whether it’s justified or not.

Love me or hate me…this is me. I am an adult, I'm 33, I drink, I swear, I wear shirts that show off my cleavage, I wear too much make-up, I smoke, I get my nails done, I’m a bit high-maintenance and I really don't save as much money as I should. I stay out (and up) too late. I enjoy reality TV and sitcoms when I should be watching a documentary or something educational. I saying things without thinking first (aka sticking foot in mouth). My diet sucks; I eat pizza, burgers, fries, and chips & salsa when I should be having a salad or something healthy. I sleep in until 11:00 instead of going to church on Sundays. I skip breakfast, but I always have my Diet Coke.

But here’s the thing…I'm also a good friend, a good sister a good daughter. I love my family and friends and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for them. I am a shoulder to cry on, someone who will listen, and someone who will be there when you just want to laugh. I’ll give you advice, even though you don’t have to take it, and I will try really hard to not say “I told you so” later. You can cry to me and I will never tell anyone later. You can tease me and I will tease you back. I work hard for less money than I should because I believe that I am helping people.

I am what I am…and I am fine with it all, the good and the bad…What I want is someone who is fine with it all, too.

Men Will be Men

I don’t know about most women out there, but I am of the opinion that…”It doesn’t matter where you get your appetite so long as you eat at home”. However, at the same time I don’t want to be with a man that is constantly reminding me what he finds appealing, especially when he is not referring to me!

Some men seem to be a bit more careful with their wondering eyes then others…why is that? And should women just sit back and believe that “men will men”? The truth is that I have just as much of a wondering eye as some of the men I know, I have blatantly lusted after beautiful men, who hasn’t? The difference is I know how to be subtle about it. It wasn’t until after about 5 years into my relationship with Derek that I finally got sick of his checking out other women and commenting on how perfect their bodies were. I eventually didn’t care whether or not he caught me checking out some hot piece of ass, I guess I got to the point of “if you can’t beat‘em join’em”.

I'll give men some credit and say that, initially, it’s probably more of a reflex to look at someone that stands out. But, unless you are a child, I think you should be able to control staring and making comments. I wonder if men even consider how this may makes the girl they are with feel…I’m sure there are some women who aren’t bothered by this. To be completely honest, it’s not even that it bothers me that much…I am not, never have been, never will be, the girlfriend that throws a fit if my man goes to a stripclub with his buddies, again, I'm of the belief that "it doesn't matter where you get your appetite so long as you eat at home". Having said that, what bothers me is when a man is staring at another women, commenting on how hot she is and I am sitting right next to him!

I have only ever dated one…yes I said one man who I never saw/caught checking out other women, I was treated like I was the hottest most sexy woman in the room…I’m not going to lose hope, I believe that there are other men out there that have the ability to control the grunting and drooling over a beautiful woman with a nice rack and a tight ass when they are on a date with another woman…

Halloween Pictures...

Last Saturday my friends and I went to a Halloween Party. It wasn't the best party, but we all enjoyed getting dressed up for the party. Here is a group picture, from left to right...Ben, Katrin, Nikki, Steve, Me, and Derek. Katrin drew all of those tattoos on Bens arms, she said it took like 2 hours! She is definitely patient, I'm sure I would have given up after about 10 minutes. Here is a close up shot!

PickleBall

Yesterday a bunch of us decided to get together for a game of PickleBall. It's kind of a cross between table tennis and tennis...Like a mini tennis game. I'm sure it doesn't sound like it would be very hard, but you'd be surprised by the amount of work you actually do. It can be pretty competetive and intense, at least with the group that I play with. We had a great time, I'm sore in some places where my muscles didn't realize they were muscles, mostly my gluts(aka my ass).

Arachnophobia

As most of you know my fear of spiders is worse than arachnophobia. I will either kill a spider myself (not that often) or find someone bigger to do the job. Some might argue that killing the spider is unnecessary. I absolutely disagree, they are repulsive!!! Don’t talk to me about how helpful they are…To me killing a spider is merely self-defense. My bedroom is not a haven for arachnids! Those of you who know me also know that I am a huge chicken and I did not actually kill said spiders myself.

They were huge! Friday night was my encounter with the first one…Brianna, my niece, and I were sitting on my bed playing with my laptop when I glanced over at the wall…and there it was, this huge, monstrous sized spider. I ran out of the room and knocked on Steve’s bedroom door, keep in mind it’s about 1:30am. When I told him that what was wrong, he just said okay and fell back to sleep…Poor Steve, he probably didn’t realize he was moving in with such a puss when it comes to bugs. I stood there wondering what to do now, I wanted my daddy! Thank god for Brianna, if she hadn’t been there I would have been stuck sleeping on the couch! How sad is that? My 15 year old niece had to kill the spider…I think I heard her laughing at me and calling me a sissy while she was putting me out of my misery.

Sunday afternoon was the dreaded second encounter. I walked into my bedroom, turned on the light, and just happened to glance up. Good thing I did too…there it was on the ceiling. A few years back I was stuck my bedroom for almost 30 minutes before because I refuse to walk under a spider. I had to wait for someone to get home to kill it. What if it fell on me, or what if it jumps on me. Spiders can jump ya know! I would freakin’ die of a heart attack!!! Once I spotted the demon on the ceiling I ran to Steve’s room, knocked on the door, and in the most sincerely whiney voice I told Steve that there was another spider in my room, could he please come kill it for me? (Since I am the biggest puss in the world). I also informed him that I will be making a call to the leasing office to have the apartment sprayed for insects this week.

LEO...

I found this article on line about LEO’s…and since I’m a leo I found it pretty interesting and comical…My thoughts are in italics.

Leo’s Positive Traits:
You're almost always the center of attention - and easy for potential dates to spot
If I’m so easy to spot then why do I not have more dates???
Your happiness and optimism is appealing to all... and contagious!
Some of you may disagree with this, but I think I am extremely optimistic…
You don't hold grudges - getting over little fights is no problem for you
Hmmm…really I don’t hold grudges? Maybe we should consult some of my former friends on this one? I can hold a grudge for years!!!

Leo’s Negative Traits:
You tend to ignore relationship problems, until they are too big to handle
I get this from my dad…If I ignore the problem long enough it will just go away, right?
You crave luxury, and you are disappointed with partners who can't provide you with it...
What the hell…The fact that I crave luxury is not a bad thing!!!
If someone does you wrong, you'll coldly and cruely break their heart
Usually I give someone more than one chance…however, if someone does me wrong more than once then yes, they totally deserve whatever they get!

Leo’s Ideal Partner:
Someone high status enough to bring you more attention - but not so great that they upstage you…
I don’t think so…Let’s look back at the ex-boyfriends, 2 didn’t have a car or a job for that matter, a couple of them still lived at home w/ their parents…Does it seem like I care about status? Wow, I have some pretty low standards, huh? Maybe that's what it is about New Guy...he has a job, a car, a house.
Makes you laugh and brings excitement to everything you do together
This I have to agree with…it’s very important to me that my guy can make me laugh.
Is aggressive and confident enough to butt heads with you every so often
Sure, I like an agressive guy, not like beat up agressive, but a guy who knows what he wants and what he likes. And I need someone to try to keep me in check, but after about 5 seconds he needs to back off because I always win!

Leo’s Dating Style:
High expectations. You need to be impressed with an incredible first date for a second one to occur.
Again…ex-boyfriends, no car, no job, which equals no money, which means bad 1st date…then again maybe it’s incredible sex that keeps me coming back for more? Oh, wait, not that I've had sex on the first date...Ok, maybe once!

Leo’s Seduction Style:
You like to make the first move - you're fearless about initiating things
So not true!!! I hate to make the 1st move…I want my guy to believe that I am sweet and innocent at first. And besides, what if I made a move and got turned down? I know it’s hard to imagine…

Passionate: You really get into any intimate act
I have nothing to add, I totally agree with this…
Aggressive: Most of the time, you find yourself wanting sex more than your partner.
Like this is a bad thing? Let's take a poll of all the men and ask them if this would be a bad thing...And just think now that I’m 29 I’m approaching my 30’s which is when women are supposed to reach their sexual prime…Woo Hoo!!!

Tips for the future:
Try to not need so much attention. You'll feel less ignored, guaranteed.
The problem with this is that I don’t feel ignored now…
Learn to love your partner for who they are - not how they help advance your life
Again…back to the ex-bf’s…
Let your partner shine occasionally. You don't always have to be the alpha dog.
Um…I do have to be the ALPHA, it’s either my way or the highway baby

Weekend Update

Pretty uneventful...Friday night a bunch of us went out to celebrate Derek's birthday. We just went up to Fox and the Hound for a few drinks, everyone was ready to leave by 11:00, so Steve and I went up to Skybox for a little while. I was determined to find a girl for him while we were there. The first girl I spotted was way hot, but I got the impression that she was a more interested in females than males...Scary! The next girl I pick out was cute, much more Steve's type of girl. When Steve finally got the nerve to ask her for her digits she said she totally would but she didn't think that her husband would like that too much! Oops...my bad! Maybe I'm not the best at picking girls for Steve.

Saturday night I decided to stay in...I was still pretty hung over from Friday night and needed a night off.

Sunday Derek and I tried to take Titus to the dog park, but it was closed due to reseeding. Titus was so disappointed, he pouted the whole way home. Then Sunday night I finally had the chance to spend some time with the New Guy...We played tennis. I was terrible, but the New Guy never seemed to get too frustrated with me and he was really patient...Awe, what a nice guy. Even better is the fact that this is the first time that we have done something when there hasn't been alcohol involved...At this point I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not??? Don't get me wrong, I had a great time, it was a lot of fun, but I have a hard time reading the New Guy. I guess if I don't hear from him for a while I know why.

I'm Sick!!!

I began feeling sick on Friday I woke up with a sore throat and a stuffy nose..."No time for getting sick" was my motto. I had plans for the weekend ahead. My sore throat grew worse throughout the day, and I am sure that with the way my body was aching I had a fever also. I should have taken the hint and slowed down a bit, but it was the weekend and Saturday was Oktoberfest. Friday after work and after a few cocktails with the girls I decided to stop at Wal-Mart to buy cold medicine, and to purchase "Click"...not the best Adam Sandler movie but it was still pretty good. After stocking up on Airborne, Zycam, Nyquil, Dayquil, and Tylenol I headed home, put on my jammies, curled up on the couch and watched my movie. Pretty exciting stuff for a single girl on a Friday Night, huh?

Saturday I woke up feeling a little better...I actually had myself convinced that I wasn't sick after all, that despite the occasional dizzy spells, I was just suffering from a day or two of bad allergies…I was determined to make it to Oktoberfest.

I woke up on Sunday feeling like I was suffocating, like I smoked several packs of cigarettes. My eyes were watery, my nose was runny, I was wheezing, my body ached all over. I knew at this point that I was in fact sick…I was actually hoping for this to be just a really awful hangover, but as the day went on my symptoms only grew worse. I slept on the couch for most of the day, New Guy asked me to meet him for a drink and I had to say no. As much as I would have liked to, I knew that if I looked as bad as I was feeling he would have turned and run the other way as soon as he saw me! I took some Nyquil, rubbed Vic’s on my neck and chest and crawled my sorry sick ass into bed. I knew before I fell asleep that I would not be going into work on Monday.

Even though I was sure it wasn't possible I actually felt worse on Monday. Now my left ear was hurting…what the hell? Here I am 29 years old and I’m getting an ear infection??? As much as I am a hypochondriac I did not want to go to the Doctor, but after lying in bed with a warm washcloth on my ear Tuesday morning, and not going into work until lunch I thought I better bite bullet and go see my Doctor. I was given prescriptions for antibiotics and ear drops…nothing fun like Percocet or Soma though…I have an upper respiratory infection (bronchitis) and an ear infection. Like I needed to see a Doctor to find that out?

In All Fairness...

In all fairness to the New Guy I feel that I should make it clear and explain that he has in fact asked me to go out during the week...more than once. Unfortunately, whenever we plan anything during the week something always seems to come up. Maybe I should take it as a sign that something always comes up...Either nothing to serious is meant to happen between me and New Guy or I have too much drama in my life!!! Okay Mom...I know what your thinking...it's the drama, I know!!!

Update

Steve went up north camping this past weekend, so I really got to experience being alone. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. On Friday night I watched chick flicks, ate popcorn, played on my new laptop, drank a few beers…Saturday night Nikki stayed over, we had to get up early on Sunday morning to do the Susan G. Komen: Race for the Cure. I’ve never walked for or done anything like that before…It was like a sea of pink! There were thousands upon thousands of people participating, 38,000 people to be exact, and $1.8 million was raised. It was incredible! What an emotional and inspirational thing to experience.

There isn’t anything exciting going on as far as men are concerned…No new prospects and I didn’t get to see New Guy this weekend, no new developments there. It’s a little disappointing, I know…here I am single and nothing, not dating, not meeting anyone. I don’t know if I consider New Guy a dating thing. We have gone out a few times, but only on the weekends, is that really dating?

1st Week

I’ve spent last week adjusting to my new apartment and my new routine of independent singledom. Think about it…from the time I was 0-22 I lived with my parents, from 22-22 I lived with “Dickhead”, from 22-25 I moved back in with my parents, and from 25-a week ago I lived with Derek, so this is a whole new experience. Okay, so technically I don’t live alone, I do have a roommate…Steve. And even though I have a roommate I am thoroughly enjoying my independence. I slept in yesterday until 10:30am, and I didn’t feel guilty. I haven’t been able to do that in such a long time. I don’t have to answer to anyone, don’t have to cook for anyone, don’t have to pick up after anyone, I am able to make my own decisions or mistakes, I have sole ownership of the remote control (Steve’s not a big TV guy)…I realize that all of this must sound extremely selfish, but after all this time of not being selfish I think I deserve to focus on me for a little while.

It's Official

You'll be happy to know that I have officially moved out of Derek's house! It's about time, huh? Deep down I know that this is what I needed to do, but that doesn't make it easy...It's not my relationship with Derek that I miss, that's been over for a long time and I have moved on from that. But it's the comfort and security of living in the same place for 6 years and having to leave that is whats bothering me...And of course leaving Titus just kills me. I know I will still get to see him, but it's not the same. He's not there to wake me up before the butt-crack dawn for a treat or snoring in my ear or drooling on my pillow. I'm sure once I get used to this it'll be great, but until then I'm afraid I will have many sleepless nights!

Once I get my new place in order I'll post some pic's...

Does He Like Me?

Since I’m not 12 years old anymore I am beyond the does he like or does he like me like me phase. I guess I shouldn’t get my friends to ask him and pretend that I don’t know they’re asking and sending a note with boxes to check (yes, no, maybe) is also a bit out of bounds at this stage in life.

I’m old enough (29) and mature enough to go beyond these childish tricks…even though they used to be very reliable back in the day. I should be able to tell if a man’s attracted to me right? So why am I totally confused about the “New Guy”. All of the obvious signs are there…He looks at me, not in an “I want to sex you up” kinda way, but really looks at me. He listens to me…women (especially me) talk a lot more than men…the fact that he isn’t on autopilot when I’m talking, that I don’t have to mention beer, sports, or sex to get a reaction is good right? He makes me laugh…and this is very important to me, all women want a man with a sense of humor. He has manners, he opens doors for me (except the car door…it doesn’t work). But honestly most men are so ill behaved that getting them to do anything nice is a definite bonus.

Sounds like he likes me likes me right? I was sure that I had him hook, line and sinker…but now I’m not so sure.

Here’s my question of the day, or should I say my temper tantrum for the day!!! This is something for everyone to think about…why can’t a man ever call when he says he will? Why, when a man says he’ll call later, it’s like days, weeks later??? After you’ve already gone out a few times and he’s called a few times he is not allowed to invoke the 2 day rule, this rule is null and void…a man should no longer be aloud to wait 2 days to call…this rule only applies when they first get your digits. Why does this have to be some big mystery, do they not know how to tell time? It’s not like I sit by my phone waiting for him to call, staring at it trying to make it ring…but how inconsiderate can he be?

100 Things About Me!

100 Things About me…that you may or may not find interesting. This post has been a work in progress for a few months.

1. I am 29 years young!
2. Currently single and I’ve never been married
3. My only child is my dog, Titus
4. I consider myself conservative
5. But I’m actually sorta liberal
6. I’m a registered Republican
7. I used to weigh almost 200 lbs.
8. I grew up in Michigan
9. I moved to Arizona when I was 16 yrs. old
10. I hate the desert
11. I love rain
12. Dolphins are my favorite animal
13. I love leopard print patterns
14. I’ve never believed I was pretty or smart
15. I visit my friend, Mark, in prison at least 1 a month
16. I despise doing laundry
17. I love to cook, but hate to clean up afterwards
18. I'm half slob and half “Monica” from friends
19. I workout 5-6 days a week
20. Money burns a whole in my pocket
21. I attempt to scrapbook
22. Jeans and a t-shirt…my favorite outfit
23. I won’t wear shorts until it reaches 95 degrees
24. I think 70 degrees is cold
25. I sleep with my dog who snores
26. Thanksgiving to Christmas is my favorite time of year
27. I’m a huge football fan!!!
28. I have a tattoo of TIGGER on my lower back
29. I have a Yellow Rose tattoo on my right foot
30. I don’t know how to change a tire
31. I suck at math
32. I wanted to teach American History
33. I’m afraid of heights
34. But I love riding rollercoasters
35. My fear of spiders is beyond arachnophobia
36. I had braces for 6 years
37. I have never lived alone
38. I was born in Florida
39. And I won’t swim in the ocean
40. My feelings get hurt more often than I will ever admit
41. I’ve been in 4 car accidents w/ in a 4 month period…in the same car
42. I love the smell of whiteout…and sharpies
43. My first job was at Dairy Queen
44. I got stood up 2 days before my Senior Prom
45. I went to girlscout camp
46. But I was never a girlscout
47. I talk in my sleep
48. I used to walk in my sleep
49. When I was little my mom and dad called me “rubber lips” because I couldn’t keep a secret…
50. I’ve never tried sushi…yuk!
51. I saw the New Kids on the Block in concert 3 times
52. I’m the youngest of 4…I have 2 brothers and 1 sister
53. I was a tomboy when I was little
54. My favorite color is green
55. I pray everyday (surprised?)
56. I consider myself more spiritual than religious
57. I wish on the 1st star I see almost every night
58. I believe in Soul Mates
59. I wish I could learn how to snow ski
60. I believe in the death penalty
61. I’m addicted to the news, even though it’s usually depressing
62. I actually watch the “Girls Next Door”
63. The 1st boy I ever kissed is Josh
64. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was almost 20 yrs. old
65. I played softball and volleyball in high school
66. And I was really good at both!
67. I wanted to play on the boys football team in 8th grade
68. I got suspended in 6th grade for smoking
69. And I wasn’t even smoking!
70. I didn’t start smoking until I was 21 yrs.
71. I took 2 years of Spanish
72. My favorite food is Mexican food…Yum!
73. 2 guys that I dated have died…
74. The stars, astrology, fascinates me
75. I’ve gotten up at 3:00am to watch a meteor shower
76. I want to get plastic surgery…just a small lift, gravity is not my friend!
77. Feet totally gross me out!
78. My first car was 1982 Chevy Spectrum, it was blue with silver doors on the passenger side
79. I am definitely not a morning person
80. I attempt to complete a crossword puzzle at least 3 times a week
81. I’ve been doing crossword puzzles for about 5 years
82. I’ve never been able to complete one without help
83. I hate the taste of coffee
84. But I love the smell of coffee?
85. I’m addicted to Diet Coke
86. I like to take long drives to clear my head
87. I have a tendency to be a hypochondriac
88. I get bitchy when I am under a lot of stress
89. I’m an extremely competitive person
90. I think have an addictive personality
91. Someone recently told me they think I have ADD/ADHD and it really bothers me!
92. I want to go back to college
93. One of the students at my school has my cell phone, she calls me every night just to say goodnight…
94. I have a tendency to over analyze things!
95. I try to optimistic and look for the good in everyone and everything
96. I am very critical of myself…probably too critical of myself!
97. I had my tonsils removed when I was 23 yrs old
98. I’m a snoop
99. My mom and my sister are 2 of my closest friends!
100. This took a long time

Moving On...

Okay, here’s the thing…I have the desire to be a part of something special and I have a need for independence…

I have accepted my singledom...I know it's been a long time coming, but I am finally moving out of Derek’s house next weekend. I keep telling myself I do not need to find my 'other half' in order to feel whole, I am a whole person, all by myself. But this does not mean that I have resigned myself to the fate of an eternal spinster, instead am going to follow my life where ever it takes me. My Mr. Right is out there somewhere, and when I find him I’ll know it. So for now I will be patient while enjoying the single life…I have come to realize though that patience, rather than being a virtue is actually a royal pain in the ass!!

So what now? Hmm...Tough question. But one I actually have the answer to. I want to spend time with my friends. Enjoy the single life, one day at a time, having fun as I go. One day, a man will walk into my life (if he hasn't already) and change everything.

Dating Dilemma and the New Guy...

Dating is truly an emotional rollercoaster…I could write a book on my last 2 Saturdays nights what they entailed and the rollercoaster of emotions that I went through before, during and after. But let me try to keep it short…

I met the New Guy through a mutual friend, the mutual friend is someone that I dated 10 years ago, nothing serious just a few dates and some so-so sex. New guy and I have been talking via e-mail, text messages, phone calls…We seem to have a lot in common, this guy actually has quite a bit of potential. He’s good looking, funny, smart, has a job, a car, doesn’t live with his parents…all the qualities I look for in a man. New Guy and I go out for drinks 2 weeks ago…things are going great, better than great. I was actually myself with him...didn’t try to be fake to impress him…he even knows my real age (which is 29 for those of you who don’t know)!!! So we have a couple of drinks and he informs me that he can not go out with me again! Can you believe it? Apparently the mutual friend seems to have an issue with New Guy and I dating…We have permission to hangout with each other but nothing else can happen…oops! Then we went out again this past Saturday…once again we had a great time…oops again! I guess what the mutual friend doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?

But seriously though is this total f***king bullshit or what??? How adolescent can the mutual friend be? Wouldn’t you want one of your close friends to be happy? And it’s not like he and I just called things off…It’s been a f***king decade for cryin’ out loud!!! There’s even a “Man Law” commercial that says as long as it’s been at least 6 months it’s okay. And of course the New Guy likes me…I think maybe he’s tried to resist my charm but he just can’t help it!

Is This It???

Lately I've really been thinking about my life, and the fact that the last 8 years of my life I was in a relationship that ended in a friendship. Maybe it's because I see all of my friends and family moving forward, getting married, having babies...After everything is said and done I find myself wondering, "Is this it? Is this what my life is going to be like?" I know I shouldn't feel like I have to ever get married or have kids, just because society says that's "normal" but honestly I like the idea of having someone to grow old with. I'm not crazy about walking the road of life by myself. Maybe I'm too normal, too average, too plain...Or not enough of something. How else do you explain it?

Someone said to me yesterday, "I'm surprised no one has snapped you up, that you're not married." Okay, so the last 8 years I was not "on the market", but honestly, I'm surprised too, I mean I just don't get it. I have a decent job, I love to travel, have a longing for meaningful wild kinky sex, just a little dependent, not a total psycho, laid back, easy going, not all that bad to look at, have big boobies, I have a great sense of humor, and I'm just a lot of fun...So, what's the deal?? What am I doing wrong?

Am I too plain? Am I too average? Am I too heavy? Am I too ugly? Am I too confrontational? Am I too addicted to Reality TV? Am I too high maintenance?

This is not a pity party. I am not depressed or moody or PMS-ing or even putting myself down. I'm thinking and wondering with a perfectly logical mind, "Is this it?" I have made myself into all the things a guy would want in a partner and it seems like I must have broke the mold. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect (far from it) And I don't think I am looking for perfection, I just want some love, some attention, from a self supporting, good-looking, non-addict, non-psycho, who knows how to have fun.

Update

I've been pretty busy lately with work, working out and looking for a place to live. Yes, I said looking for a place to live. I am determined to not procrastinate any longer and move out of Derek's house! I am going to move into a place with Steve, a guy that I work with, we don't see each other very often so I think it will be okay.

I went to the doctor yesterday, my ankle has really been bothering me, like maybe I have arthritis. I know what your thinking, how could I be so young (29) and have arthitis. Even worse than that is that I had to get weighed...let's just say that I was ready to slit my wrists and throw myself from the roof tops!!! I have gained 10 lbs. since Mexico. I know it's not really swimsuit season anymore, but I am still working out all the freakin' time and I only cheat on my diet like once a week...okay maybe twice a week! This week I am really staring to be serious about diet and exercise...no more cheating.

I chickened out...

I was totally afraid to get on the scale. I know I've put on a few pounds and I don't need to know how many...the goal is just to get rid of them. Why stress myself out by getting on the scale, right? So yesterday I did really good. I had a Greek Salad for lunch (only 300 calories). I had no idea that it would be so good...and because of that I had a Greek Salad for dinner last night. And of course I worked out too...I did 45 minutes of cardio on the elliptical trainer, it kicked my ass!

I'm not feeling very good today. Nikki, one of my co-workers and friends, went home today because she has strep-throat, and her doctor said that she is highly contagious. I know it's probably psychological...but as soon as I heard that my throat started to hurt, and now I have a headache too! Hopefully I'm not coming down with it. With school just starting (ARG!) and the students back here I can't take any time off!!!

Hittin' the Gym...

Ever since the week before Brooke's wedding I haven't been able to get back into the groove of going to the gym everyday. I vow hear and now that will no longer be the case. I'm back and I'm motivated to really get into shape. I know that swimsuit season is almost over (not in AZ, but everywhere else) and the holidays will be here before you know it...so what a better time to commit to this? I'd rather get back into this now then be able to come up with more excuses why I can't. Also, I need to change my eating habits too...It's not that I eat really unhealthy food, but it's just that I eat so late and then in the morning I'm not hungry. And I'm cutting back on the diet coke...I've only had 2 sodas today and it's 4:30pm...I think tonight at the the gym I'll weigh myself to see where I'm at and if I have gained any weight. I'll have to give an update tomorrow...

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Yep, you guessed it...I'm 29!!! I really don't feel 29...Suprisingly enough I feel a lot younger than that.

New Tattoo

Last week was Amy's birthday and for years she has been saying that she wanted to get a tattoo...On Saturday we decided to go to Bright Ideas. I wasn't even sure that I was going to get one, but once we got there I couldn't help it. Of course Amy tried to chicken out, and I wouldn't let her, I kept telling her that if she didn't get it that day, that she never would. She got "Brianna and Cheyanna" wrapped around her ankle with vine that goes through the names, and she can eventually add rosebuds to it if she wants. This is a pic of my tattoo. OMG...It hurt so bad and I was such a baby about it...I kept jumping and holding my breathe! I don't remember it hurting that bad when I got my tigger! You're probably wondering why yellow roses...It's a long story so I will just say that it has to do with Troy. Next I'll be getting a tattoo with dolphins...I'm not going to run out this week and do it, but it'll have to be sometime soon (Sorry Mom)!

More About Mexico...

This was definitely the highlight of my trip to Mexico...It's not everyday that you get a chance to swim with dolphins. It was incredible, I didn't want it to end!
Another enjoyable part of my trip was checking out all hot guys! I was totally pining for Facundo, he's part of the entertainment staff at the resort that we stayed at. Speaking of the resort...here is a link to check it out Dreams Tulum Resort & Spa It was absolutely amazing!
Okay, back to Facundo, so he wasn't really my latin lover...But, if I had been there with friends instead of my students I totally would have hooked up.

Finally...

Okay...Finally an update to my blog! Some people, I won't mention any names (Martina, Mom)you know who you are, have been giving me a hard time about updating my blog...so here you go! This pic is from the first night in Mexico...what a fun time...After I win the Powerball this weekend, $135 million, I am totally going back!


This is the whole gang plus the staff at Senor Frogs...

PS...I just want to make sure that everyone realizes that just because I finally updated my blog does not in any way mean that I am over Troy or that I have forgotten about him!

Me & Troy

This is the picture of me and Troy that Mom suggested that I post. It was taken back in September when Brooke and Scott were in town, we had been running around doing wedding stuff all day and then kicked back at Brooke's parents, Mike & Marsha, with the family and friends for a few beers. What a great time, I flirted with Troy the whole night and I was so disappointed when the night was over and it was time to go.

Troy Benedict

As some of you know back in November, around Thanksgiving, Troy (Brooke's brother) and I started hanging out, going out, talking, we were spending a lot of time together. After Derek and I broke up things became more serious between us, we spent a lot of time together. He made me laugh like I hadn't done in a long time and he made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman in the world! Things were going great between us up until mid-April, he told me that he was falling in love with me! I got scared, it wasn't that I didn't feel the same but, I wasn't ready for a another serious relationship after just getting out of an 8 year relationship. At that point we decided to slow things down a bit. Brooke and Scott's wedding had to be one of the happiest days of Troy's life, he was so proud of his little sister. Troy passed away Sunday May 7th, 2006. Here is the link to see a memorial to Troy, you can even take a look at pictures that his family picked out to put on the website and read the tributes that many people have written...Troy Benedict

Chicago Here I Come!

I leave bright and early tomorrow morning for Chicago! By bright and early I mean my flight leaves at 7:05am so that means I have to leave for the airport at like 5:30am...which means I have to get up before the butt crack of dawn!! The reason for my trip to Chicago is an IECA Conference, my boss and I are going to do some marketing and recuiting for work. I'm very excited about this trip...I've never been to Chicago so I am hoping to get some time to do some sight seeing and some shopping. Everyone that I have talked to that has been there absolutely loves it! There is only one problem...it's only supposed to be in the high 50's! That's like our winter temps in AZ! I am going to freeze my booty off!

Brooke & Scott's Wedding

What a great time and what an absolutely beautiful wedding! Check out more pictures from the wedding by clicking on the flickr icon to the right!

The Big Day!

Brooke and Scotts wedding is this weekend, April 29th. I'm pretty excited, I've been practicing my Maid Of Honor toast...I get to pick up my dress tomorrow, I hope that it fits okay. Over the weekend me and the girls got bodywraps. I lost 13 inches from head to toe...and of course I didn't even lose an inch off my boobies, I lost the most in my thighs...I am totally good with that. On Sunday I decided to be an idiot and I highlighted my own hair...Needless to say I didn't get blonde highlights, it turned out orange. That's right, less than a week before Brooke's wedding and my hair is orange! I am going tonight after work to see Camille, hopefully she will be able to fix it...If not, the wedding pictures should be pretty interesting!

Work Out Update

I am so hot for my new Personal Trainer...Randy is no longer with Pure Fitness, so we had to pick a new trainer...Preston! He is so beautiful! Like a model beautiful. We worked out with him last night and of course I am so sore today! God forbid he should think that I can't do something...I push myself, like I am trying to impress him. Hey you never know...even though I am dripping with sweat, my black mascara is smeared under eyes, I've got sweat marks under my pits, and I can barely breath...he could totally fall for me! The worst part about it is that I smile throughout the whole workout, he probably thinks I'm some kinda freak that's all into pain!

Sleeping Beauty

Last night I was all ready for bed...and this is what I found, and on my side of the bed! How can a Momma get mad at that? Isn't he just the sweetest thing? He's like a baby, all sweet cuddley while he's sleeping but when he's awake that another story!

Good News...Bad News!

Good News...working out with a personal trainer is finally starting to pay off. It's about time, I am finally seeing results and losing some weight.

Bad News...my dress for Brooke's wedding is too big now! I am going in tonight for alterations.

Sleep Deprived

I am a stomach sleeper and because of my sun burnt boobies I can't sleep on my stomach...Last Wednesday was the last night I actually had a good nights sleep and was able to sleep through the night. Being as tired as I am it seemed like a much longer drive than usual to get out to Florence to visit Mark...Don't get me wrong, it was totally worth it, it always is, but it would have been even better if I hadn't been so tired. Poor guy, he probably thought I was bored out of my mind because I couldn't stop yawning. Then I met Derek's family for an Easter picnic at a park. I sat in a chair and practically fell sleep! I hate that I am this tired...I don't have any of my usualy spunk or sassiness! Well, despite the fact that boobies are still bright red and still sore I am going tanning tonight...Don't worry I won't make the same stupid mistake, I will cover up and I definitely won't tan for the full 15 minutes!

OUCH!!!

So the dress that I am wearing Brooke's wedding is black...I look so pasty white in it. I decided to start tanning, not a lot or anything, just enough to get some color before the big day. The first time I tanned I only went 7 minutes, I don't went to get burnt...The second time I tanned for 10 minutes, and you know I really couldn't see that I was getting any color. So the third time I tanned for the max...15 minutes. OMG!!!! I am such a dipshit sometimes! I am so burnt, I have been rubbing myself down with aloe all day, every chance I get. Have mentioned yet that the places that got burned are the places that have never been exposed to the sunlight! Yes, I'm so smart that I decided to tan completely naked...I would hate to have any tan lines! It hurts to wear a bra or panties...Hell it hurts to freakin' move! I'm thinkin' that maybe I should wait a little while before I try to tan again...And you can bet that I will never ever tan naked again!!!!

The Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party

Brooke's Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party were so much fun! I wasn't even really hung over the next day so that's a plus, I was just really tired. Next is the wedding! I can't believe it's only 3 weeks away...It seems like just yesterday that Brooke was calling me saying "I'm engaged". If you want to see more pictures from last weekend click on the "flickr.com" icon in my links and you can check out the other pictures. If you run into any problems with it let me know since it's new to me.

Weekend Plans!

This Saturday is Brooke's Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party. We decided to do them both on the same day because it's easier for her and Scott. That way they won't have to make an extra trip to AZ. I'm pretty excited about it...And I know that she is too. Just about everyone that was on the guest list is coming. We are starting the party at Marsha's, Brooke's mom's, house. Then from there we will be going out dancing...My legs are still really sore, I hope that I'll be able to dance...Who am I kidding, get a few drinks in me and I'm sure I'll loosen up quite a bit. I should have some pretty interesting pictures to share with everyone after the weekend!

Feeling Guilty!

Okay...I'm not going to work out tonight!!! Part of me actually feels guilty about it but I can barely walk because of my workout with Randy on Monday night. Nikki and Therese aren't going to the gym tonight either because they are in just as much pain as I am. I am beginning to think that Personal Trainers get enjoyment from causing you to be in pain...maybe I'll do some ab exercises when I get home just so that I don't as guilty!

Mark

I'm not sure how many of you know about my friend Mark, he is in the Arizona State Prison in Florence. I've known him for more than 10 years...since the ex-boyfriend Matt. We go way back and we had been through a lot together. In 1998 Mark was at a desert party and a girl was killed by a bullet from "random gunfire". Mark was arrested and charged with 2nd Degree Murder. Mark's attorney was a Public Pretender, I mean Public Defender, so basically Mark was SOL. The Prosecution couldn't prove that he did do it, but at the same time his attorney couldn't prove that he didn't do it...so he was convicted of Manslaughter. Anyway, we have kept in touch over the years but it wasn't until recently that I decided to go visit him. I was afraid to have to deal with things from the past, the abusive ex-boyfriend, the drugs, my life being out of control. Visiting him meant I would have to deal with all of this and I wasn't sure that I was ready for that. It is actually one of the best desicsions, it's been quite theraputic, I'm just sorry that has taken this long for me to realize this...

Prison Break

After a painfully long break Prison Break is back on...WOO HOO! I am hooked for more reason than one, it's a very compelling show, it keeps you on the edge of your seat, cursing like a sailor after every episode because of the way it ended...I don't know maybe it's the hot guys that have me glued to my chair. Okay...the hotties do have a lot to do with it...
Wentworth Miller aka Michael Scofield has got to be the sexiest man alive...can you blame me???

Starving

Randy wants me to eat less than 1200 calories a day, he prefers that I stay at about 1000 caloried a day...arg! I think typically I eat between 1000-1500 calories a day, but now that I actually have to pay attention to it, it seems so hard. Yesterday for our workout he kicked our butts, I don't ever push myself like that. But if this is what it takes for me to lose weight and get into better shape than this is what I will do.

I Was Right!!!

On Monday Nikki, Therese and I met with our new Personal Trainer at the gym, Randy. We had pictures taken, got weighed and had our measurements taken. And guess what...I was so freaking right! I have gained weight...and inches!!! I just knew I felt fatter!! But here's the kicker...I have gained another inch in my boobs! Can you believe it? I am 29 years old and my boobs are still growing, it's like they have a mind of their own.

My Fat Ass!!!

ARG! I AM SO FRUSTRATED! I WORK OUT ALMOST EVERY F***ING DAY AND I HAVE ACTUALLY GAINED WEIGHT!!!! I CAN TOTALLY TELL TOO...I FEEL LIKE I'VE GAINED WEIGHT...I FEEL FATTER THAN USUAL! AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE THERE IS ONLY 7 WEEKS UNTIL BROOKE'S WEDDING! I AM GONNA BE THE FAT BRIDESMAID!

My Weekend...

First I would like to start by saying that yes, we finally got rain...Almost 2 inches if you can believe that. It was rainy and cold all day. Up north they got lots of snow...Flagstaff got over 2 feet and I am sure the White Mountains got even more than that.

While I was at dinner at mom's and dad's I agreed to go shopping with mom and Aunt Shelley early on Saturday morning...Family bonding time. The Goodwill was having a 50% off sale, not that things there aren't cheap already. I thought maybe I would find something for when I get my place. ARG!!! I still can't believe it, we were there for like 3 hours! And to make matters worse I only bought 3 things! Mom, Aunt Shelley and Shannon all had their carts full of stuff.

142 Days

I know a few days ago I said that it looked like it could rain...Well, it didn't rain. So now we are at 142 days without rain. The last time we had measurable rain was on October 18th. But, there is light at the end of the tunnel...It is supposed to rain this weekend! I'm so excited...We could see like an inch of rain. I know what you're thinking...Wow a whole inch, right? When you haven't seen rain in 142 days an inch is a big deal. And they are supposed to get a bunch of snow up north too...They might finally get to open Snowbowl (the ski resort in Flagstaff). Not only is it supposed to rain but it's supposed to get pretty cold too, not even get to 60 degrees...brrrr! It's a nice change since it's been pretty warm already, one more cold front before the summer!

TGIF

Fridays are always a good day at work...They are kind of goof off days! I thought today would definitely be a goof off day since the Bosses are out of town, but that's not what happened. I've actually been busy today...arg! At least I still found time to update my blog, right? Priorities! As you know I work out with 3 of the girls that I work with...Well on Fridays, because we do so well all week with our diets and exercise we treat ourselves to lunch. Today we went to NYPD Pizza...OMG! It was so totally worth it! For about 1 second I felt guilty, then I enjoyed the rest of my lunch.

Tonight I am going over to Mom and Dad's for dinner and tomorrow I am going to check out houses with Aunt Shelley. Yes, I said houses, I just can't see myself living in an apartment, and the price of an apartment out here isn't that much less than a house. Hopefully I will find something in a good neighborhood, that I like, that is cheap...I know I'm hoping for a miracle, but hey it could happen. Wish me luck!

Wonderful News!!!

I received a phone call last night from Melissa, my cousin in MI. She called to tell me that she is 12 weeks pregnant! I am so excited for her and her husband, Claude...Melissa is going to make a great mom and I sure that Claude will make a great dad. This is the best news I've had a while so I am still smiling about it. As a bonus this is a good excuse for me to come to MI for a visit, even though Melissa isn't due until September I may have to make a trip out before that, I'm thinking around Memorial Day Weekend!

40 Day...more like 2 Hours!

To quote Dr. Phil..."What Were You Thinkin'"...to think that I could give up diet coke for 40 days! I already caved in, after just 2 hours. My head hurts, I'm irratable, cranky...mmmmm diet coke, that first drink was so great! You know I'm kinda like Homer Simpson and his beer or doughnuts. I couldn't do it, can you believe it? I am so weak, but I am gonna stick with giving up sweets for 40 days. Now I know that I can do this, there is not a doubt in mind!

Tut Tut Looks Like Rain...

After 132 consecutive days without rain it actually looks like it could rain today...Maybe I shouldn't be writing this post, I could be putting a jinx on the whole damn thing!

40 Days...

I was not in any way raised to be religious...I tell people that I am Christian and that is about as far as my religion goes. But, strangely enough I have decided to observe Lent...for those of you don't know, Lent is a 40 day period of fasting and purification that begins on Ash Wednesday (3/1) and ends the day before Easter (4/15).

Most Catholics spend the Lent season in prayer, reflection and repentance. Lent is a time for soul-searching, facing great challenges and overcoming mistakes. But those of you who know me, know that I am not that deep :) Other than prayer and soul-searching there are other ways to observe Lent. You can fast in whatever way seems appropriate - its intensity has varied from total abstinence to refraining from eating meat to fasting.

I have decided that I will give up something that I love for the 40-day period, it's supposed to symbolize my return to simplicity and purity. I could give up anything, cigarettes, chocolate, television, surfing the Internet, so long as the meaning of its absence holds significant value to me.

Some of you may be wondering why have I decided to observe Lent since I am not religious...The voluntary surrender of a cherished substance or pastime may have powerful spiritual and psychological benefits (that doesn't even sound like me huh?) Okay, so I'm doing this for my own self-satisfaction and ego...If nothing else, it will show what I can do when I put my mind to it.

Here's the hard part...what should I give up??? I could be more virtuous for a few weeks? Don't lose my temper, don't gossip, don't complain, go to church more often...hehehehe. No really, I haven't decided yet, but I am leaning toward fast food and sweets, what do you think??? It'll help my diet right? My co-worker seems to think that I should give up diet coke, but my God that would be soooo hard!

Here's a little side note, I of course did a little bit of research on Lent and found out that on Sunday I can eat what ever I want, there are actually 46 days and most churches do not count Sundays as one of them. It's just like the diet that I keep saying I am going to start...only this time I really will :)

Hittin' the Gym

Unlike the rest of my family who will remain nameless (Mom, Dad, Amy & Daren), I am continuing to hit the gym at least 5 days a week, sick huh? Unfortunately I am not seeing any results. I believe that is due to my diet...I try to eat healthy but for some reason I don't think a garden salad big enough for 2 loaded w/ eggs, bacon, cheese, crispy chicken and 2 ranch dressings is considered healthy. You would think that as obsessed as I am and have always been with my weight that I would be an expert at this by now. Okay so the pepperoni pizza that I had on Saturday night wasn't really healthy, but it was calling my name...Only 10 weeks until Brooke's wedding and I really want to look good, I don't want to be the fat Bridesmaid!!! I am determined! No more junk food! I used to anorexic for Christ's sake (That was a low point and definitely not a good thing) so I know that I have the will power to do it, but just in case I have weak moments I have recuited 3 of the girls that I work with to join the gym...They are almost as obsessed as I am. So we are going to motivate and support each other, not go out for lunch everyday. Tonight it's off to the Butt & Gut class...I hope I can walk tomorrow :)

Boring...

So how boring am I??? Nothing new, definitely nothing exciting...Same shit, different day! Even though I think things are pretty boring in my life right now I am going to do my best to update this blog more often...Even with all the boring stuff that is going on.

Okay, so here's a quick update...Brooke is finally older than I am, she turned 30 a couple of weeks ago (I'm 29 remember). We had a party for her and it was a great time. Brooke asked Martina to be a Bridesmaid in her wedding and of course Martina said yes, woo hoo! I have a 4-5 centimeter cyst on my right ovary, it's been sorta painful, but my doctor doesn't seem to worried about, so I'm not either. Derek is doing really good on this whole diet and exercise thing, the butt-head is actually making progress, more progress than me, okay so I'm not making any progress. And, even though we are not together anymore this is causing me huge amounts of stress, maybe I'm just extremely vain, but he can't look better than me!!!

So there you have it...My boring update!

4 Things

I saw this on Jen's BLOG, and liked it. Since she copied it from someone else's BLOG I thought it would be okay if I swiped from her:)

4 things

4 Jobs I have had in my life:
-Life Development Institute
-Discover Card
-Kindercare
-Lady Footlocker

4 Movies I would watch over and over again:
-When Harry met Sally
-Sweet Home Alabama
-Armageddonn
-Pulp Fiction

4 Places I have lived:
-Florida
-Michigan
-Arizona
- That's it...:)

4 Television shows I love to watch:
-Friends
-ER
-Law & Order SVU
-Prison Break

4 Places I have been on vacation:
-Las Vegas
-San Diego
-Rocky Point
-Michigan

4 Websites I visit daily:
-Ebay
-E!Online (Need to catch up on Hollywood gossip)
-Snopes
-Azcentral

4 of my favorite foods :
-Chicken Enchiladas..YUMMY!
-Chicken Cesear Salad
-Pizza
-Cheese Burger

4 Places I would rather be right now:
-The Bahamas w/ a cocktail in hand
-Playing with my dog
-At the gym
-In Bed!!!!!

Iftherer is anyone out there that still reads this dumb BLOG...Youu have been tagged :)

New News...Good News!!!

After almost 8 years, Derek and I have decided to call it quits...I know this is probably shocking to some of people, but it really is for the best. This was a mutual decision, and it really wasn't a surprise to either one of us. Our relationship has hit a plateau...We want different things in life. Derek doesn't ever want to get married or have any more kids. I do...I want to get married, and have babies???? Maybe! Right now, I am still staying at his place, just until I get my ducks in a row. Then I will be moving into a place of my own. I have never not lived with someone, whether it was mom & dad or a boyfriend, I have never been on my own...Sounds funny to hear a 29 year old woman say that, huh? But, I am really looking forward to doing the whole independent thing...At first I thought I would be scared, but the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of doing my own thing...Having my own place, my own stuff. I guess for a long time now we both knew this was coming, it was just that neither of us had the courage to say it. The best thing is that he and I will always be very close friends!

Resolutions

I know I’m a few days late, but I’ve been giving a lot of thought to my New Years Resolutions…Originally I was only going to have 1 resolution and that was NOT to make any resolutions. I know a lot of people who use this excuse…but I think this is a regrettable resolution because this implies that these people have no plans to improve.

Why do I think people have given up on resolutions? Well, for me personally it was because I became discouraged by my past failures. But, were my past resolutions really resolutions at all? Or were they wishes? For example, “This year I plan on losing weight.” But really my heart was saying, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I lost weight? I hope I do.” That’s not a plan; that’s a fanciful dream…no wonder I failed…and when my resolutions came tumbling down, all I had left is disappointment and broken promises.

So, I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way to make a resolution and that is to make a commitment…a passionate plan. I am going to be passionate about achieving my goals and come up with a plan on how to do it…this year it is not going to be something that merely happens to me…Rather, I am going to make things happen. I am in control.

Will I resolve to become MORE than what I am today or will I resolve to become LESS than I am capable of becoming?”

I am going to be as specific as possible…not just say that I want to lose some weight or drink more water and less diet coke…So here are my resolutions for 2006:

- Lose 10 lbs by April 29th 2006 by eating healthy and exercising everyday
- Drink at least 1 gallon of water each day
- Drink less soda, only 1 diet coke per day
- Enroll in and complete 2 college courses
- Cross at least 4 things off my list of Things to do Before I Die

Now, I just need to come up with a plan...I realize that I can not accomplish all of this at once, so I will be patient, focused and persistent. I am sure that there will be bumps in the road, but I will not get discouraged, I will just pick myself up and continue…